Psshh, Dylan, we're just friends and I plan on keeping it that way! I still have feelings for Steven. It's hard to sleep at night when he's not in my bed with me. There's been a lot of rumors going around about me. I'm not sure why, I don't even go to Arbor View anymore. Honestly, I think it's pathetic and I feel bad for those people talking about me. I mean their lives must suck pretty bad if all they have to do is sit around and talk about me behind my back. OHWELL. Uhm what else is going on in life? I went to cue d's and won 2 games, I was so excited! I still havent found a new boy to like. Danny is trying to talk to me again, but I'd rather not. Oh Yeah, I'm a redhead!
My dad is dying, Steven hates me because I hung out with Danny. I feel emotionally abandoned, My birthday is coming up, I don't want it to. I always expected my 16th birthday to be amazing. However, My dog died, My dad is dying, I get school as my present, I don't have someone to hold, hardly any friends, no one I can trust. So honestly I don't want a birthday because I always thought it would be wonderful and obviously it's not going to be so if I just pretend it's not my birthday I wont get disappointed, simple as that.Btw Danny pretty much told me he just wants to be friends because every time we get even the slightest bit more than friends shit get fucked up and we stop talking and he doesn't want that and that's perfectly fine with me I don't want to be anything more than friends with him. I've been writing more than usual lately. I dont know how much I like them though, but I'm tired it's bed time. Good night
Thank you for everything you have given me. God, I feel really bad for what I have done to steven and I realy hope that he is "the one". I feel like I need to be there for him and make him happy. In the past I always felt like the guy had to be there for me I never wanted to be there for someone else and make sure that I could put a smile on someones face, and God I love seeing Steven smile, it melts my heart. I've never felt like this for anyone. It's so weird I almost can't explain it, but God I really hope that one day Steven and I can be back together again. I promise I wont hurt him. Knowing he's happy is one of the greatest feelings in the world. I promise to try my hardest not to fight with him and just let things go. Fighting is stupid and I know we could get so much further if we didnt fight. I promise I'll trust him. God, I have let go of the past and I'm ready to make a future with this boy. I don't want anyone else. I haven't flirted with anyone, looked for anyone, or even thought about anyone else. I know Steven is the one I want and if i get him I'm going to try my hardest to keep him. I wont let an amazing boy like him go. He has his flaws but that's what makes him human and I love every single one of them. I think he is the cutest, sexiest, most handsome boy on this planet and all those other girls are retarded for thinking otherwise. God, I have done all I can to show this boy that I love him, I'm really hoping that if it's meant to be you can make him love me again. I'll never ask you for anything ever again. All I want is Steven back, I love him.
Amen
btw we'd make cute babies
June 19
I'm getting played. I can feel it. I don't understand why I take this.
He only talks to me when its convenient for him. He wants to have sex
all the time still and I feel like I'm being used. I can't take this. I
mean he choose to get rid of me because his friend doesn't like me and
if our relationship isn't that important to him why do I stick around
and its not like I can tell him any of this because when I try to he
gets upset. This sucks
June 20
I feel like he's ashamed of me. He won't tell his friends that we're
talking let alone that we still hook up. He won't date me until his
friends like me. I don't know. I can't take feeling second best and I
can't tell you how many times I've told him that.
I ruined it. I ruin everything I messed up bad I over reacted when I had no reason to I would always throw things in his face which wasn't smart especially because I wasn't perfect either. This really sucks. I'd do anything ANYYHING to get him back i'd give up everything for him none of that shit matters the only thing that matters is him. Take my phone my ipod my computer my clothes just give me my moofin back I promise I wont throw things in his face I. Promise I will take care of him kiss his burns from work massage him whenever he asks no matter what. And most importantly give him space he needs to have his friends and I have to respect that. I love him more than life and I'm willing to do anything to get him back and keep him happy.
from liver damage or anything, I took hydroxycut so sue them
for good. I feel accomplished, but also depressed. I couldn't deal with being lied to and cheated on anymore. It wasn't worth it. He was the one who had brought her into his life several times and was going to buy her a plane ticket down here so he could be with her, he and I have broken up a good amount of times because he wanted to be with her and he told me he was still in love with her. Why didn't I take that as a sign to leave earlier? BTW every time he gets in contact with her he tells me it was only so he could tell her how much he loves me now. I don't think it takes several different phone calls, texts and letters to get the point across.
Anyways, he came over after horrorpops unexpectedly we argued and I had to try with everything to restrain from either punching him in the face or kicking him in the balls. I told him to delete my number and my myspace. I also told him since he couldn't make her leave I'm leaving. I don't share. He had a year and a half to get rid of her, that's plenty of time. I'm not going back to him, EVER! That I will promise. There are a million boys out there and I'm really hoping they aren't all douches! BTW I'm thinking about asking a boy out, I hope it goes well. I'm scared. Also, If someone were to bring me some ice cream I'd more than likely make love to you.I'd also like to add how amazing my brother can be sometimes. I believe i drenched his shirt with tears, I was crying for about 15 minutes. Which is odd because I hate crying infront of people and I have never cried infront of any of my family members. They arent allowed to know I'm human.Oh and just for the record, I need to make this as perfectly clear as possible, there will never be brittney sword and steven killby EVER again. No relationship, no friendship, aquaintenceship, nothing! I'm serious, it's over.
isnt going to work. You act like you still love me when it's just you and me, although the second your friends are around you act like you hate my guts or something. It really depresses me after a year and a half of dating I still haven't the slightest clue who you are. So which one is it, are you the romantic sweetheart or the dick face? Maybe it's a good thing I like someone else, because the faster i get over you the better.
i cared too much about what you thought and lost who i was
its time to be myself now.
I think its time to move on.
I'm not happy anymore.
This isn't working like I thought it would.
It's just too late.
on He's gone,